The Fitness Struggle: Breaking Barriers to a Healthier Me

March 19, 2025

For as long as I can remember, I have been on the heavier side; chubby, round, and visibly carrying a few extra pounds. Growing up, I was always the kid who couldn’t keep up with the others during physical activities. While my friends played tag effortlessly, I was the one catching my breath after just a few minutes. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be fit, I just loved food a little too much and exercise a little too little.

Every now and then, though, the fitness freak in me awakens like a long-lost warrior ready for battle. During these bursts of motivation, I religiously eat clean, control my portions, and exercise regularly. I become the person who wakes up early, goes for a refreshing morning walk, and chants my Buddhist mantras with renewed energy. It feels amazing, I feel lighter, and stronger, and even my skin glows with newfound vitality. I tell myself, “This time, I won’t fall back into my old habits.” And for a while, I truly believe it.

But just when I reach my target weight and size, laziness creeps in like an old friend, wrapping me in its comforting embrace. "You have worked so hard, you deserve a cheat day," it whispers. One cheat day turns into a cheat week, and before I know it, I am back to my old ways, binge-eating my favorite snacks while curled up in bed, swearing I will start again tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes. The cycle repeats, losing self-control, hating myself for not maintaining a well-balanced lifestyle, and then trying to get back on track. Breaking this vicious cycle has been one of the biggest struggles of my life.

Despite my battles, I am someone who is incredibly determined when I set my mind to something. If I decide to lose weight, I make sure I do. I have seen the numbers on the scale drop, felt the joy of fitting into a smaller dress size, and even received compliments that fuel my motivation. But here’s the catch, I also love the simple joys of doing absolutely nothing. My lazy self finds immense pleasure in curling up with my cat, Precious, binge-watching endless series, and mindlessly devouring junk food. I mean, how can one resist a cozy night with a purring cat and a bag of chips? Throw in a rom-com or a crime thriller, and you have got my idea of a perfect evening. It’s like having two completely opposite personalities living within me, constantly waging war. One part of me thrives on discipline, health, and movement, while the other prefers the comfort of idleness, indulgence, and instant gratification.

Recently, I have been caught in a downward spiral; messed-up sleep patterns, irregular eating habits, and an overall lack of motivation to even go for a walk. The result? Bloating, discomfort, and the undeniable proof in every picture I take. I remember clicking a group selfie at a recent gathering, only to zoom in on my face and feel horrified at how puffy I looked. "Is that really me?" I thought. It was a wake-up call, but even that wasn’t enough to fully push me into action. It’s frustrating because I know exactly what I need to do to fix it. I need to be more mindful of my eating habits, fix my sleep schedule, and get moving again. But the lazy version of me? She refuses to back down so easily.

This fitness struggle is not just about weight, it’s about breaking barriers within myself. It’s about breaking past the mental blocks that tell me I can’t sustain a healthy lifestyle. It’s about breaking free from the self-doubt, the guilt, and the fear of failing again. Some days, I wake up with the determination to be the best version of myself, but by nighttime, I am back to my old habits, reaching for a midnight snack while Precious lounges beside me. It’s almost comical, like a tug-of-war where I am both the opponent and the referee. And let’s be real, if there’s a cozy couch and a good show involved, my lazy side almost always wins.

So, who’s going to win this ongoing battle? I honestly don’t know. But I do know that I would much rather be a slightly thinner, healthier, and more energetic version of myself than someone who constantly pants and puffs through every step. The journey ahead may be full of struggles, but I hope I emerge victorious, not just in losing weight, but in breaking the barriers that have held me back. One step at a time, one small change at a time, I will get there, hopefully, before the lazy me strikes again!

To hold myself accountable, I have decided to document my progress. Sharing my before and after pictures isn’t just about the aesthetics, it’s about reminding myself how far I have come and how much farther I can go. Hopefully, those before pictures will serve as a wake-up call whenever I feel myself slipping, pushing me to make choices that align with my long-term health goals rather than momentary cravings.